Women who have stormy love live:

Women who have stormy love live: "Borderlines"


In the beginning, mental illness of “neurosis” and “psychosis” have divided into two sets. In the length of time, therapists begin to attract attention a third cluster that is dissimilar neurosis and psychosis. The form is “Borderline” or “the boundary condition” is characterized negatively during treatment such as disintegration of identity, ability disorder in reality testing, lack of impulse control, lack of power folding, integrate good and bad designs ect.

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A healthy and balanced spiritual growth is only thanks to mother who is balanced, consistent, good enough, understanding, loving, unconditional love, peace with himself, confident, and self-confident life. Mother is a person who is perceived to become always close to her children with physical and emotional (it is a technical term). Mother can limit her children’ aggressive impulses but she does not punish, if she is necessary, to protect them and she is not afraid of their anger. Thereby, if child healthy and balanced associates with mother, child can learn to tolerate of separation, overcome the emotional trauma and prepare to life. Nevertheless, every child does not healthy complete development.  If mother punish leaving and autonomous behaviors and she is critical, negatory, a candid relationship of father-mother, she can disrupt to complement the development of mental health and she can causes to lead to “borderline”. In the other words, borderline appears that process of the separation-individuation does not develop properly in the child’s behavior. Because child is more sensitive to leave from “mother” between 18-36 months. On this account, child is a pause of the developmental and child does not perceive to be integrated with mother and him/her. Mother is perceived showing interest and nourish and also leaving and punishing. These two aspects of mother are not combined. Child concerns her/himself about a balance of good mother- good child or bad mother- bad boy because good and bad qualities are not comined. When child is adult, child cannot establish confidential and well-balanced relationship with other people in order not to be able to be tolerated in these two opposite pole. Child is more sensitive every state of separateness and reject.

Borderline person has difficulty progressed a permanent and stable relation. Because person sees her darling to be "a rewarding and satisfying" and on the other hand "taken back and disappointed”. In other words, person cannot see her darling as a whole which is faults and virtues at the same time. Moreover, borderline person cannot see others and so she has difficulty remembering the image of somebody in the absence of the physical object. Besides, when person has sense of debarred from her darling, she can have fears of abandonment. In fact, she cannot healthy live mourn of the loss or separation in order that she does not leave from her mother that is a symbolic in the end of the relationship. On this account, borderline person cannot mourn and she cannot put her experiences behind her.

Borderline person’s entity is mishandled, abandonment, close or away from somebody can activate person’s fears. This situation gets on “escape from intercourse” or “find a pretext to start a fight” in clinic. If person becomes close to somebody, her “feelings of symbiotic vortex” can heighten; if person absents from somebody, person can have fears of abandonment. Therefore, borderline people become paradoxical about love and sexuality, their love can finish in a short time, they can fail monogamous relationships and they are feckless a close relationships with the opposite sexes. Because, they do not have impulse control so they do not control their feelings.

Borderline people tend to sexual perversions such as seductive actions and random sexual relations. Patient is called the name of Hürrem by me. Let’s listen my patient’s love life:

I constantly suffer wrong in my love life. Loneness means death for me. Therefore, I prefer searching new desperate loves over being alone. Loneliness is more impossible than abuse for me. I have gone the arms of men who I have not known to escape loneliness in pubs. I have only gone to pub to meet someone help me and I make out someone. Not alone is more important than identity of men for me. Firstly, all men are the same such as they value to me, I am felt a valuable woman and they act like I am special. They cannot be interested with me after they sex with me. That moment, I have felt myself a sucker and the vicious cycle starts inside again like “Zemberek Kuşu’nun Güncesi by Haruki Murakami”. This vicious cycle is cruel, degrading, indispensable, terrible and as if a magic. I feel hopeless myself…

Permanently, I am looking for a prince on a white horse but I find men who are the same characteristics or I reel them in. I give in to them immediately and I chill…

My affiliations are a sandcastle so my relations rapidly break up. I cannot maintain a relation with a man. I like being close to men too but I cannot be away from them. I cannot keep my distance wit men. When I am alone, I remember childhood memories and I have fears loneliness. Therefore, I respond overmuch in all circumstances. If I have felt that my darling retreated, I think that I made a mistake, why do not you love me? and I can have feelings of guilt. Then, I am close to him in order to make up my mistake. This situation causes that I am sometimes heated and I sometimes beg for love. I am afraid of being abandoned and I am close to him. When I close to him too, I am afraid of him and I escape. I want closeness and intimacy but simultaneously, I am afraid of this. Sometimes I have quality men but I get bored quickly. I can be what I do with men or without men. That is a shitty situation…


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